


The Case of the Bred Spred

by asuprem



Category: Smuckers Victims Unit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22762096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asuprem/pseuds/asuprem
Summary: This is inspired from a court case "United States v. Ten Cases, More or Less, Bred Spred". I found the title ridiculous, so I hatched this story. It was initially a lighthearted mystery about jam-based crimes, but took a turn for the absurd through revisions. Now it is, well, about other things. I don't want to spoil it.





	The Case of the Bred Spred

**A retrospective on the Seventh Anniversary of the Rebellions. Published in _The Atlantic_**

Today, we look in on the well-known Third Nations Rebellions. Myriad papers and articles have been written on the morality of the conflicts, the effects on the global economy, and the impact the temporary subjugation of humanity had on the development of modern society.

We focus on the precursor the Rebellions - the nefarious case of the Bred Spred. The reader doubtless remembers the breathless journalism that accompanied the heinous crimes on the Night of the Broken Jars, with experts and pundits from all walks of life preferring their opinions with regard for neither fact nor truth. Many will recall the public excitement prior to the court case, and the immeasurable disappointment at the injunction against publicizing any part of the testimonies until the passing of all involved parties, and the mass panic and terror at the ensuring rioting, looting, and subsequent War for Independence.

The recent death of Ms. Claire, formerly of 526 Park Avenue in Manhattan, removes the last obstacles to publishing the affairs. A complete transcript is available upon request at the premises of Brown, Brown, & Patty, LLP, as well as a sundry agencies of the government of these United States. We invite the reader, then, to the long-awaited transcript of United States v. Ten Cases, More or Less, Bred Spred, filed on the 25th of March, 1971. For the sake of our reader's estimable time, we only focus on some of the most singular aspects of the proceedings.

We will preface each except with a short annotation, and follow up with some context.

The following excerpt comes from the beginning of the third day. The two days prior concluded with the opening statements of the defense and the prosecution. Though they contain several fascinating anecdotes, we find the proceedings of the third and last day to be most important in informing us of the circumstances surrounding the three month long inter-species race riots following these sordid state of affairs.

\--

 **Bailiff.** All rise for the honorable Judge Perry.

(The men and women present in the court stand as Judge Perry enters. On the defendant's side are the ten aforementioned cases of Bred Spred. They refuse to partake in human contrivances.)

**Court.** All right, folks. It's going to be a long day. I would advise both counsels to keep their arguments concise and avoid the usual wastes of time. But first thing, defense counsel will explain why the defendant did not rise for the Court.

**Mr. Lade (Counsel for the defense)**. Your Honor, as citizens of the Third Nations, defendants do not have to follow the etiquette of the United States Court system. I would ask the jury to avoid coloring their perceptions of the defendant due to their cultural heritage.

**Court**. Noted, counsel. Before the prosecution calls their first witness, I will make a few points for the jury. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is a landmark case for the United States justice system. As the first trial of the modern era between the human race and the Third Nations, the onus is upon us to ensure justice is done without bigotry, discrimination, or hate. Since the Third Nations have declined to provide jury candidates, this is an unusual situation where the defendants are not tried by a jury of their peers. Nevertheless, our legal framework requires the trial to proceed.

**Court**. Utmost care has been taken during jury selection to ensure minimal bias. However, I must caution the jury to take care in making their decisions. The prosecution may call its first witness.

\--

Here, we have seen Judge Perry's utmost attempts in ensuring fairness in the case. We also see the casual indifference of the defendants, the ten cases of Bred Spred, towards human culture and traditions. Initially, the Third Nations did not accept the Bred Spred as members of their species, as evidenced from their reticence in providing jury prospects.

We now move to the highlight of the day - the testimony of the late Ms. Annabel Claire.

\--

**Direct Examination of Ms. Claire by Hamid Uman.**

**Court.** Ok, Mr. Uman, your next witness.

 **Uman.** We call Annabel Claire to the stand.

 **Clerk.** Raise your right hand. Do you solemnly state that the evidence you shall give in this matter shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

 **Claire.** I do.

 **Clerk.** Be seated. Please state and spell your name for the record.

 **Claire.** Annabel Claire. A-N-N-A-B-E-L. C-L-A-I-R-E.

 **Clerk.** Ok, thank you.

 **Court.** Go ahead, Mr. Uman.

 **Uman.** Ms. Annabel Claire. Let's start at the beginning. You are the proprietor of the Little Valley Preserves?

 **Claire**. I am.

 **Uman.** And how long have you owned your business

 **Claire.** Seven years.

 **Uman.** Can you tell me more about your business.

 **Claire**. Uh, so I started it a few years after college. My mom was really good at making breakfast food, but when she got older, she started to forget things. So I learned her recipes and made, like, jams and stuff. And my friends liked them so I started selling them too.

 **Uman.** So your products are fully homemade?

 **Claire.** Yeah. I grow my own blueberries and other berries in my backyard.

 **Uman.** No added chemicals?

 **Claire.** Uh.

 **Lade.** Objection, Your Honor. Leading the witness.

 **Court.** Sustained. Mr. Uman?

 **Uman.** Okay, what type of materials do you use in your jams?

 **Claire.** I make them with the fruits themselves. You gotta mash them a bit, then heat them while they, kinda, I don’t know, mix? A bit of honey makes it sweet. Then stir it and cool it down at the end. That's all.

 **Uman.** Any fertilizer when growing the fruits?

 **Claire.** No, just regular compost I make from other dead plants. No store-bought fertilizer.

 **Uman.** And the water?

 **Claire.** Straight from the tap.

 **Uman.** So your business, how many jars do you sell?

 **Claire.** Well, it’s not, like, a large business. And it's seasonal. It's mostly a hobby, but it pays enough bills that I had to fill out tax forms for it, so I made it a business.

 **Uman.** Thank you for providing the background, Ms. Claire. Now, let's talk about the night of the 17th.

 **Court.** That's June 17th, 1970, for the record.

 **Uman.** Yes, June 17th. This would be the middle of blueberry season?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Uman.** Ok, talk us through what happened.

 **Claire.** Uh. Okay. So.

 **Uman.** Tell us your schedule.

 **Claire.** Sure. So I usually harvest four to five cups of berries in the morning and leave them in the fridge. In the afternoon, I begin washing them and checking them for, like, the bad ones. Around 5PM, I begin actually making the jam. It takes, like, half an hour to an hour, so I kinda watch TV while doing it. Once it’s done, I put them in jars to cool. That takes a while - until like, 9 or so. Then I leave them in the fridge for the next day.

 **Uman.** And that night, you followed the same schedule?

 **Claire.** Well, it’s not really a hard and fast thing, but yeah. I was done by 9.

 **Uman.** 9PM?

 **Claire.** Yeah.

 **Uman.** And then?

 **Claire.** I was tired from the day so I went to bed.

 **Uman.** And you slept?  
 **Claire.** No, uh, I wasn't really sleepy. Just tired. So I took a book to read.

 **Uman.** Ok. So to summarize, after 9PM, you were in your bedroom, with a book. Your bedroom, where is it in relation to the rest of the house.

 **Claire.** Uh.

 **Uman.** Where is the bedroom?

 **Claire.** Oh, the second floor. It’s got two bedrooms up there. I use one as a spare.

 **Uman.** So tell me what happened around 9:30PM.

 **Claire.** So I was reading, and I heard a noise. Like glass breaking. I got scared and turned off my light. Then

 **Uman.** Sorry, one thing. Your bedroom, did it have windows?

 **Claire.** No.

 **Uman.** When you turned off the light, could people outside the room see it?

 **Claire.** Probably not. My bedroom is kinda in the back of the house. It would be hard to see any light from downstairs.

 **Uman.** Okay, go on.

 **Claire.** So I turned off my light. I went to the door. My bedroom door, to see if I could hear what was going on. I heard some voices. Kinda loud. And I guess angry? Then I heard more glass breaking.

 **Uman.** Could you heard what the voices were saying?

 **Claire.** Yeah, uh. Something like "Break those things" and "Light her up"

 **Uman.** In your deposition, you said these quotes. "Break that TV over there. No, not like that. Smash it. And the decorations. No fascist should like this." Is this accurate.

 **Claire.** Yeah.

 **Uman.** And another goes, "Put that stuff on the middle. Yeah, on the carpet. Nice gift for her."

 **Claire.** Mhmm.

 **Uman.** Could you say either yes or no?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Uman.** That's a yes to the quote?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Uman.** Okay, tell us what happened next.

 **Claire.** So it was over pretty quickly. I heard more smashing, and then the voices kinda stopped. But then I saw, like, a large flickering of light. I wasn't sure what it was but something clicked and I knew it was fire.

 **Uman.** Did you see the fire?

 **Claire.** Yeah, I went down to investigate.

 **Uman.** By yourself?

 **Claire.** No, I had a gun. I mean yeah, by myself. But with a gun.

 **Uman.** A legal gun?

 **Claire.** Yeah.

 **Uman.** Okay carry on.

 **Claire.** I could definitely feel the heat. And I saw it was hopeless. They had set fire to the TV room. It was right next to the kitchen. So I had to run. I got out of the house.

 **Uman.** Did you take anything with you?

 **Claire.** No, I had no time to go back up. I mean, I had the gun. But yeah, that was it.

 **Uman.** What did you see outside.

 **Claire.** It was night, so I couldn't see much. But someone had called the fire department, I think, because they were there in like, 20 minutes.

 **Uman.** Why were they there so fast?

 **Claire.** Other buildings were burning as well. Like, half the neighborhood was burning.

 **Uman.** What else did you see.

 **Claire.** When the fire got bigger, I could see movement near the bushes in my garden. There's like a small path from the front yard to the back yard. I figured someone could have been stuck there or something. So I went to check. My neighbors were all doing their things.

 **Uman.** Like?

 **Claire.** Well, Mrs. Holyoke. She lives right next to me. She was like, holding her son. Like, they were both crying. So yeah. And the others were kinda milling about. I don’t know. They had gathered maybe five or six houses down. It had the biggest fire.

 **Uman.** So what did you see in the bushes?

 **Claire.** I saw the Bred Spred cases.

 **Court.** Prosecution will define Bred Spred.

 **Uman.** Your Honor, the terms Bred Spred, defendants, and Jars are all the same thing.

 **Court.** Not to me, Mr. Uman, to the jury.

 **Uman.** Sorry Your Honor. The State would like the jury to note that any mention of Bred Spred is equivalent to saying Defendant. Since the official names of each of the Defendants are impossible to pronounce by human tongues, Defense has allowed the colloquial Bred Spred to refer to the Defendants.

 **Court.** Proceed, Mr. Uman.

 **Uman.** So, uh, you saw the Bred Spred cases. Were they threatening?

 **Lade.** Objection Your Honor. Leading the witness.

 **Court.** Sustained. Be more circumspect, Mr. Uman.

 **Uman.** Apologies. What were the cases doing?

 **Claire.** They were just standing there. Menacingly.

 **Lade.** Objection, Your Honor. Answer is vague.

 **Court.** Noted. Jury will disregard the last statement made by witness. Ms. Claire, please refrain from using opinionated language in testimony.

 **Claire.** Sorry, judge.

 **Uman.** So they were standing there?

 **Claire.** Yeah.

 **Uman.** What did you do?

 **Claire.** I, uh, kinda froze. I had heard the jams in the wild were, like, vicious, so

 **Lade.** Objection, Your Honor. Hearsay.

 **Court.** Sustained. Ms. Claire, please stick to the facts. What you saw and heard during the incident in question only.

 **Uman.** So, what did you do, Ms. Claire?

 **Claire.** I kinda began backing away. The jars, I dunno - their tops came off. Ans the jam inside started rise out.

 **Uman.** So you found out these were the sentient jams.

 **Claire.** Well, yeah, that kinda confirmed it.

 **Uman.** And what happened next?

 **Claire.** There were ten cases there, and from each, the jam kinda slimed up and joined together to create, like, a face. It turned towards me and like, screeched something.

 **Uman.** What happened next?

 **Claire.** I kinda saw movement behind the jam. A bunch of kids ran out with like, machetes.

 **Uman.** Could you clarify bunch?

 **Claire.** Yeah, like 4 kids. All with machetes.

 **Uman.** How old were these children?

 **Claire.** They looked like teens. Maybe 15 or 16.

 **Uman.** Did you notice their ethnicities?

 **Lade.** Objection Your Honor. Relevancy.

 **Court.** Objection is sustained. Unless Prosecution can make a case for it?

 **Uman.** Uh, no Your Honor. Apologies.

 **Court.** Carry on.

 **Uman.** What did you do?

 **Claire.** I kinda started running away. I looked back and they left me and headed to the neighbors. I was a fast runner so they couldn't catch up to me, I guess. Then they -

(Here, witness begins crying. Bailiff provides tissues.)

 **Uman.** Apologies Ms. Claire. This must be hard. So, what did you see?

 **Claire.** They, uh, they hacked some of the neighbors. Most ran away. Mrs Holyoke and her son were still on the ground and they - they.

 **Uman.** Your Honor, I think the Court gets the point?

 **Court.** You may proceed, Ms. Claire.

 **Claire.** After finishing there, they gave up on the chase. They went back to the bushes.

 **Uman.** At this point, had the fire in your house reached the bushes?

 **Claire.** No, but it was close. I saw them kinda huddling there. Then they disappeared into my backyard.

 **Uman.** Was it burning?

 **Claire.** Not that I could see.

 **Uman.** What did you do next?

 **Claire.** I went to Mrs. Holyoke and waited until the fire trucks and police arrived.

 **Uman.** Do you know why you were targeted?

 **Claire.** I saw in the news that-

 **Uman.** Sorry Ms. Claire. Ignoring subsequent media, at the time did you know?

 **Claire.** No. It was a surprise.

 **Uman.** The Defendants maintain that you were selling sentient jams and preserves. Were you?

 **Claire.** No.

(Defendants begin unscrewing their caps. Bailiff readies weapons.)

 **Court.** Defendants will stand down. This is a court of law. You will have the chance to cross examine the witness.

(Defendants stop. Bailiff returns to position.)

 **Claire.** No. All my stuff was natural. No extra chemicals.

 **Uman.** Jury will remember I asked a few questions about the preparation of Ms. Claire's jams earlier. Now, the CDC has found chemicals in certain fertilizers combined with mineral water from two companies create sentience in jams and preserves. Did you use any mineral water?

 **Claire.** Never.

 **Uman.** Fertilizers?

 **Claire.** No. Just my homemade compost.

 **Uman.** So there was no chance your jams could have been sentient?

 **Lade.** Objection Your Honor. Leading questions.

 **Court.** Overruled.

 **Uman.** There was no chance your jams could have been sentient?

 **Claire.** No. No chance.

 **Uman.** How many people died that night?

 **Claire.** Eight. Mrs. Holyoke and her sons were killed by the Bred Spred fanatics. Six of my neighbors died in the house fires.

 **Uman.** No further questions, Your Honor.

\--

The events of that night are etched in the public's memory. That day of infamy marked the first conflict between fully sapient and sentient beings on this planet. As the public well knows, the race riots after the case followed up with the Third Nations Rebellion, which saw the deaths of millions of humans and the destruction of significant land over the next twenty years. But what, exactly, caused the riots? The following cross examination of Ms. Annabel Claire provides the answer.

**\--**

**Cross Examination of Ms. Claire by Malcolm Lade.**

**Court.** Mr. Malcolm Lade.

 **Lade.** Thank you, Your Honor. Ms. Claire. You sell jams, do you not?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** When did you hear about the sentient jams? The Bred Spred, if you will.

 **Claire.** Same time as everyone else, I guess.

 **Lade.** So, late in 1969. After the moon landings.

 **Claire.** Yeah, I guess.

 **Lade.** Let me take you back to a few months before this so-called incident. November 1969, if I may.

 **Uman.** Objection, Your Honor. Relevancy.

 **Court.** Noted. Counsel?

 **Lade.** It will be clear soon, Your Honor.

 **Court.** Proceed.

 **Lade.** In November, when the US government first announced the discovery of sentient jam, you were still in operation of your business?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** And when the President announced the formation of the Third Nations as a home for all sentient jams. Were you still operating your business.

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** And what about when the mass exodus began? The Trail of Smears. Did you continue to sell jam?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** Who were your customers before the announcement?

 **Claire.** Uh.

 **Lade.** Let me clarify. Before the announcement of sentient jams, did you sell jam to your neighbors?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** Did you sell your jam to your neighbors after the announcement?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** In 1970, a few months after, did your neighbors continue to purchase from you at the same rate?

 **Claire.** Um.

 **Lade.** It is a simple question, Ms. Claire. But let me do the math. October, November, and December, you sold around 600 jars of jam. 3-4 a day. Is that correct?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** In January, February, March, and April, you sold 57 jars total. Is that correct?

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** Any reason why?

 **Claire.** It was the off season.

 **Lade.** Well, in the same months in 1965, you sold 400 jars. In 1966, you sold 350 jars. In 1967 you sold 380 jars. In 1968, you sold 410 jars. In 1969, you sold 400 jars. Yet you sold only 57 in 1970.

 **Claire.** Well, people bought less.

 **Lade.** Your neighbors, for example.

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** But your sales picked up in May and June.

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** Can you explain this?

 **Claire.** Well, that was the regular season.

 **Lade.** Uh-huh. I would like to present for the jury an advertisement that Ms. Annabel Claire printed. Ms. Claire, could you read a few of the lines on this ad?

 **Uman.** Objection, Your Honor. Not a question.

 **Court.** Overruled. Pleases proceed, Ms. Claire.

 **Claire.** Are - are you angry at the jams? The subspecies that threatens God's own image? Buy jams and preserves from Annabel Claire. Eat them up and enjoy being the superior species.

(Commotion from the Defendant's table.)

 **Court.** Order. Defendants will stand down. This is your second warning.

 **Lade.** So. Do you believe you are the superior species, Ms. Claire?

 **Court.** Please answer, Ms. Claire.

 **Claire.** I know what you're trying to do. And it, like, gross. I am not a racist or something. I even visited like, Third Nation museums and stuff.

 **Lade.** Regardless, the question remains. Do you believe you are the superior species?

 **Claire.** Uh.

 **Uman.** Objection, Your Honor. Witness intimidation.

 **Court.** Sustained. Defendants will stop edging closer to the edge of the table. This is your third warning.

 **Lade.** Apologies Your Honor. Ms. Claire?

 **Claire.** Yes. It says so in the Bible. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

 **Lade.** And you believe being male and female, and having 2 arms and 2 legs is the only things separating personhood and non-personhood.

 **Claire.** Yes.

 **Lade.** Are paraplegics human?

 **Claire.** Uh.

 **Lade.** How about amputees? Blind people? Would you recommend we consume them?

 **Uman.** Objection, Your Honor. Badgering the witness.

 **Court.** Sustained. Mr. Lade, please refrain from being combative.

 **Lade.** Apologies. I only have a few more questions. On the day of this incident, where did you and Mrs. Holyoke go?

 **Claire.** I just picked the berries in the morning. I left them to cool inside.

 **Lade.** And nothing afterwards till evening, when you made the jams?

 **Claire.** Um.

 **Lade.** I present to the jury two receipts. Both have Ms. Claire and Mrs. Holyoke's names on them. Both are dated the morning of the incident. Ms. Claire, could you read the establishments' names at the top of the receipts?

 **Court.** Please read them, Ms. Claire. And I request Defendant to keep order.

 **Claire.** Ace Chemicals and Compost Corporation.

 **Lade.** And the other.

 **Claire.** HydroZine.

 **Lade.** The jury will note that the products Ms. Claire purchased are both active ingredients in the creation of sentient jam. Which, I will note, are the same jams Ms. Claire sold to her customers.

 **Claire.** Listen, dick. How do you know I used them, huh? Maybe I just bought them for my own use!

 **Lade.** Did you Ms. Claire? This is a court of law. You are required to tell the truth, especially seeing as how some of the victims of your hate crime-

 **Uman.** Objection.

 **Court.** Sustained,

 **Lade.** Some of the witnesses to your actions stand accused.

(More commotion from the Defendant's table).

 **Court.** Defendants will stand down. This is your final warning.

 **Claire.** No this is your final warning.

\--

Here the transcript cuts short, but we have witnesses from within the court who were privy the entire ensuing scene. The bailiff, Mr. Jeremy Grantham, tells us what happened next.

\--

 **Us.** So, what happened right after, Mr. Grantham?

 **Mr. Grantham.** The girl, Claire or whatever her name was, pulls out a pistol and aims it at the Bred Spred.

 **Us.** So how did a gun get past?

 **Mr. Grantham.** Honestly, beats me, but I think one of the security guys must have been a part of the plan. So anyways, she aims and shoots. Pretty good shot too. Takes out four cases before I can take her down. Bullets have some kinda poison. Kills the Spreds instantly.

 **Us.** And Mr. Lade?

 **Mr. Grantham** Ma goes to shield the other jams. Swell guy, actually. He took this case _pro bono._

 **Us.** Ma?

 **Mr. Grantham.** Oh, Malcolm's nickname. Anyways, there's commotion. The crowd is fleeing right now and they hit the protesters and people outside. Inside, I've got Claire pinned down, but the girl's fighting and yelling crazy shit. Like, y'know those Westboro guys. The ones who come to like, funerals and whatever to yell at kids? Yeah, that's her.

\--

With painstaking work, we have built up a clearer picture of what happened next. The commotion outside caused the different protest groups to flare up. The riots began almost immediately, between the pro- and anti-jam groups, including several cases of Bred Spred themselves who attacked everyone indiscriminately. The police were ill-quipped to handle the Bred Spred, and the massacre that day stands lone as the greatest killing of Americans till date by a foreign adversary - almost 6000 people killed by suffocation or with machetes by the Bred Spreds and the Bred Spred fanatics respectively that very day.

In retrospect, the response was obvious. The riots continued over several months before boiling over to the Third Nations Rebellions. Till date, it has never been clear how the events started. Ms. Claire's lawyers fought tooth and nail to keep the records secret and managed to get gag orders for all witnesses at the time. The threat of martial law and extrajudicial reprisals kept the witnesses quiet until Ms. Claire's passing a few days ago from natural causes. Today, the truth is out. What will come of it, only the future knows. We only hope that it brings some measure of peace to the many lives lost, and closure to the families left behind.


End file.
